Title: Boredom

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild cursing

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Duo's bored.  Simply stated.

 

 

Duo lay sprawled on the couch staring out the windows at the rain, at the cars driving by, at the random pedestrian, who was - more often than not - drenched by water thrown up by said passing cars, and sighed.

 

"Fuck, I'm bored..."

 

*****

 

Title: Speak English?

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Trowa gets jabbed by a local student for speaking Spanish.  He and Duo correct him.

 

 

“I don’t care where you’re from,” the student said over the raucous in the hall, jabbing a finger at the tall Latino youth, “but in America, we speak English, not Spanish.  Comprendé?”

 

“Não espanhol,” Trowa answered, straight-faced.  Duo grinned and ducked his head to regain control of his impending laughter.

 

This apparently confused the student.  “What?” he asked, looking from Trowa to Duo.  “What’d he say?” he demanded.

 

“He said it’s not Spanish,” Duo answered.  “…in Portuguese.”  Trowa grinned beside him.

 

*****

 

Title: Fist of Fury

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild cursing

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: One of the school's bullies tries to (unsuccessfully) take Heero on, despite Duo's warning.

 

 

Heero reached out and grabbed the taller youth’s collar and punched him squarely in the face, dropping him to the ground.  Pivoting on his heel, he walked down the hall.

 

The felled young man scrambled to his feet, his face red from both the strike but also from the pressure of what felt like a thousand eyes staring at him from the school’s halls.  He was about to go tearing down the hall after that punk Japanese kid but felt someone grab his arm.

 

“Dude,” Duo tried to reason with him, “when a guy’s fist moves that fast, it’s a good idea not to go in for another one.”

 

The young man shook off Duo’s hand and said with passion, “Fuck you, I’ll get him.”

 

It didn’t last long.  He chased after Heero…and was knocked out cold with the second blow.  Heero looked down at the unconscious boy on the floor as Duo strode casually up to the pair of them.  Looking down at the young man lying on the floor, he smirked.  “Warned ya.”  Turning his gaze to Heero he asked, “Right, so…who wants to go report this?”

 

“I'm going to Bio,” Heero stated, leaving no room for negotiation.

 

“Right see ya there.”  Turning now to Quatre, he grinned, “Hey, Quat…think you can handle this one?”

 

The shorter youth frowned.  “Why can't you do it?”

 

Duo looked honestly apologetic as he raised his hands out to his sides.  “You honestly think they'd believe a word I said?”

 

Quatre sighed.  “…good point.  Tell (teacher) I'll be late.”

 

 

*****

 

Title: K.P.

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild cursing

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Two snippets detailed the boys' kitchen routine.  The first highlights cooking = stress relief; the other shows the true power of Chinese dumplings (jiaozi) over Duo's behavior.

 

 

Duo laughed as Wufei stormed out of the room towards the kitchen.  “I love this house.”

 

“Why?” Quatre asked.

 

“It's just…everyone's all, ‘I hate you!  You fucker!  You fucking suck!…I'm making dinner.’”

 

…

 

Wufei shook his chopsticks in Duo’s general direction.  “Don't do it again.”

 

“But, but--” the other stammered.

 

“Do it again, no jiaozi.”

 

Duo looked positively crushed.  “But I love the little jiaozi...”

 

*****

 

Title: Language Barriers

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mild cursing

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Duo complains about not being able to talk in another language.

 

 

“You guys are lucky,” Duo said, shaking a wayward French fry at his compatriots.  “You could say whatever the fuck you wanted in this school and no one here would have any idea what you said.”

 

“So for example, if I wanted to rob the bank down the street, I'd just have to say it in Chinese and no one would understand.”

 

“Right.”  The braided youth bit viciously into the fry.

 

“Except Duo of course,” Quatre reasoned, and Duo shrugged.

 

“Who would then proceed, in English, to say, ‘You're going to rob the bank?  Awesome,’” Heero said.  His voice was even but Duo picked up on the jab.

 

“Hey, just because I don't know how to respond to the statement of bank-robbing in Chinese...”

 

“Yes you do,” Wufei countered.

 

“Yeah sorta,” Duo consented.  “Tai bang le!  Jiayou!  I'm behind ya all the way.”

 

*****

 

Title: Lying on Placement Exams

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Wufei played the system and got out of calculous.

 

 

“AP Calc?!” Duo cried, staring at his schedule in disbelief.  “Why the fuck did they put me in AP Calc?!”

 

“Maxwell, shut up. You know you'll sleep through the class and score the highest anyway,” Wufei countered.

 

“And Heero will be in there with you, too,” Quatre reassured him. 

 

Duo glanced over and could’ve sworn he’d seen Heero wince at the news.  “But it's not fair! Chang, tell them what you're in!”

All eyes turned to the Chinese youth who kept his eyes glued to his schedule.  “Algebra 3, Trig,” he muttered.

 

Silence answered him.  Then, “How the Hell did you manage that?” Trowa asked.

 

“I lied on the placement exam,” Wufei said.

 

Quatre grinned.  “Just like any good politician would.”

 

“Too bad Wufei's going for a major in ass-kicking.”

 

“Or ass-kissing,” Duo countered.

 

“That's your job.”

Duo shook his head.  “No, my job is to piss off the teacher to the point where they lose all contact with reality.”

 

The Chinese youth seemed to consider this.  “…true,” he admitted.

 

“Apparently it hasn't affected YOU too much yet,” Duo scoffed.

 

“Wufei has a high tolerance to stupidity,” Heero said, folding his schedule in half and tossing it into a folder.

 

*****

 

Title: Not a Morning Person

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Duo wakes a sleepy Heero.  Not a good idea.

 

 

Despite many assumptions, Heero Yuy was not a morning person, nor ever would be.  So, when he was awakened by a certain bouncing braided youth, he was not in the best of moods.  Especially since the said youth had awoken him by literally taking a running leap onto the bed and shouting, "Wake up and eat, sleepy-head!" while waving a strawberry in the other's face.

 

With a groan, Heero slapped Duo, knocking him off the bed and to the floor, and rolled over.

 

*****

 

Title: Nude

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: Nudity

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Trowa gets to see another side of Duo.  Some things you just can't un-see.

 

 

The body pounced onto the floor below the banister.  Smirking behind mahogany bangs, Duo bounded through the house laughing a little too giddily.

 

He was also a little too nude.

 

Rubbing his eyes, Trowa shook his head and sighed. 

 

*****

 

Title: Newtonian Physics

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: After they've received their class schedules, the boys meet over lunch and Duo gives a demonstration.

 

 

“So what classes are you in?” Quatre asked as Duo took a seat across from him at the cafeteria table.

 

“Newtonian Physics,” the youth answered, paying more attention to his lunch than much else.

 

“That's a rather generic title,” Wufei murmured.  His first impression of the school had been less than stellar.

 

Duo smiled.  “Yeah, well…”  Reaching out, he snatched Quatre’s water bottle from the table and tossed it high into the air above them.  “THE BOTTLE GOES UP!”

 

Quatre sucked air into his lungs sharply at the sight of the bottle pin-wheeling above them before it turned and nose-dived back towards the table.  He covered his head with his hands when the plastic container crashed into the table’s surface.

 

“THE BOTTLE COMES DOWN!” Duo shouted, pointing emphatically at the bottle which lay on its side.  “Hot damn! That's cool!”  Calmer, he added, “Now explain it.”

 

“Can you?” Heero asked without looking up from his own lunch.

 

Duo shook his head.  “Not without copying that Newton dude. He's got the whole schbang copyrighted and I don't want to get in trouble with the Feds.”

 

“What's going on here?”

 

The group of young men looked up at the school’s vice president.  Some of them offered grins which they hoped to be interpreted as the ‘innocent’ kind.

 

“Newtonian Physics,” Trowa answered.

 

“We're on the verge of a break-through,” added Heero.

 

“Yeah, ya see,” Duo said, grabbing the bottle and tossing it up in the air, “bottle goes up--!”

 

His demonstration was foiled however when Wufei stood and snatched the projectile mid-motion.

 

*****

 

Title: Snowfall

Pairing: 01/02 possible

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Fluff

Synopsis: On the walk home, Heero watches Duo play in the snow.

 

 

With carefully hidden amusement, Heero watched as Duo bounded and twirled in circles, arms and face raised to the sudden snow storm.  He laughed - no, giggled - like a six year old as the falling crystals were caught in his hair, his eyelashes, or melted on his tongue. 

 

With a silent, but content sigh, Heero followed the hyperactive youth through the snowdrifts as they walked home through the swirls of white.

 

*****

 

Title: Stray

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Fluff

Synopsis: Duo makes a new friend on the way home.

 

 

The braided youth knelt in the rain, coat collar pulled up about his ears.  Stretching a hand forward, he let the stray kitten sniff at his fingers before tentatively stepping towards him, hiding itself under his crouched body.

 

Scooping the cat up into his arms, he shielded the creature from the watery onslaught, stroking its nose and murmuring to himself, "Poor lil thing..."  With bouncing steps, Duo continued his trek home.

 

*****

 

Title: Studying

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Duo wants to know why Wufei is even bothering to study for his Trig. class.

 

 

Duo sauntered into Wufei’s room and flopped onto the bed.  Glancing over at the Chinese youth who sat at his desk scribbling on a notebook, he asked, “What are you doing?”

 

“Studying,” came the quick reply.

 

“Studying?” Duo asked, shocked.  He sat up, crossing his legs under each other and pulled his braid over his shoulder, absent-mindedly running his fingertips through the lose end.  “Why?  What are you studying?”

 

“Trig.”

 

Duo laughed.  “Of all things to study…”

 

“I have to at least show some effort,” Wufei reasoned, finally glancing back at the intruder.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I want to at least give the impression of needing to study for that class.”

 

“I’m surprised you go to the class at all,” Duo admitted, tossing his braid back over his shoulder and loosely folding his hands into his lap.

 

“I don’t feel like getting Saturday school.”

 

“And as a result, you’re bored out of your skull when you do go.”

 

“But I have to act like I’ve got no clue what’s going on—”

 

“Or else they’ll bump you up a level—”

 

“Or four, as the case may be,” Wufei smirked.

 

Duo grinned.  “And God forbid you have to work.”  The comment earned a bitter bark of a laugh from the other youth.  “Maybe,” he continued, “if your acting starts getting questioned, you can go to the teacher for help—”

 

“In Mandarin.”

 

“No English, no English,” Duo laughed, waving his hands in front of his face.

 

*****

 

Title: Wingspan

Pairing: N/A

Rating: PG

Warnings: N/A

Genre: Humor

Synopsis: Duo makes quite a fashion statement over Halloween, as Trowa points out.

 

 

"You do realize that (teacher)'s probably going to bust you for your wingspan, right?" inquired Trowa, walking beside the braided youth, who shrugged, nonchalant.

 

"Why?"

 

"He'll cite it as a fire hazard."

 

Duo sighed as he strutted down the hallways, either blatantly ignorant or completely apathetic to the stares he was getting.  "So what if he does?  Not like he hasn't given me detention before."

 

"True.  Very true."

 

"Plus I like 'em."  Duo grinned up at the other youth, and winked playfully.  "They make me look cute.  Don't you think?"